Parenting Hack

Hello! I am excited today to introduce you to my nine year old, Izzy’s, reversible octopus stuffy. Their name is Jack and Sally. On one side we have Sally: the smiling one. And on the flip side we have Jack: the frowning one. (Izzy’s choice.) They may share one body, but Jack and Sally are very different from each other.

They were a gift to Izzy from T’s parents and they have been a favorite plushie for awhile now.

Just playing around one day, I picked them up and started talking to Izzy making different voices and personas for each one. And lo and behold, my sweet child actually interacted with Jack and Sally as if they were really speaking with him. In fact, Izzy would talk with Jack and Sally about things I had been trying to get him to talk to me about but couldn’t get him to open up.

This isn't the first time I discovered my children will speak more openly and vulnerably when I speak to them via a puppet of some kind. One day several years ago when we were doing homeschool, my kiddos were having a very hard week. They were missing their friends and things were still very much on lockdown. I had just made lunch and was getting ready to clean up the table when I took the small, flexible plastic bowl I had in my hand that had previously been filled with grapes and I turned it into a mouth and made it talk to the kiddos to see if I could get a few giggles out of them.

This little plastic bowl, who is now a family favorite when he “stops by”, goes by the name of Mr. Monsieur. He has a thick French accent and loves to ask the kids questions about themselves as well as tell them all about his travels around the world. (Was he sneakily teaching them about the countries we were studying in homeschool? Maaaaaybe…)

I don’t know where I came up with this idea. Utter, sheer, all encompassing boredom is the most likely bet. But I am so glad I did. Because that day years ago I learned what so many childhood and educational experts have known for years: kids will talk to puppets, dolls, or mascots more easily than they will talk to other humans- especially grown ups.

Yes, they logically know that it is me operating the bowl or the octopi. I know this because sometimes when I am doing it they will say things like, “Mom, make him ask me about my favorite toy!!”

They know they are essentially talking to me. BUT, from what I can surmise through observation, it appears that they voluntarily suspend their logic and reasoning because there is something about interacting with a puppet or puppet-ed object that feels safe and/or exciting to them.

So yesterday, Izzy had a rough day. He was very emotional and it seemed like he had a lot of feelings that needed to get out, but none of the usual things were working. But last night as I was getting ready to start reading to him before bedtime, he saw Jack and Sally and brought them to me.

“Mom, can you do the voices for them?”

And thus began a 30 minute intimate, vulnerable conversation where Izzy divulged his big feelings and why he was having them as Jack and Sally switched back and forth offering words of comfort, encouragement, and a few laughs as well.

Sally is bubbly, positive, cheery and easily excited.

Jack is serious, a little grumpy, straight forward, and likes to complain a little from time to time.

Izzy adores Jack.

After Jack and Sally went to sleep beside Izzy last night - at their request- I asked Izzy why he likes Jack so much.

“Well, I know he can be a little grumpy, but I like that he is always honest and also kind and caring. Sally is great too but I just don’t think it’s realistic to be so happy all the time. She hardly ever finds anything to be upset about and sometimes I feel like she is trying to make me feel happy when I don’t want to. I feel like I can be more myself with Jack because he is more himself with me. If he doesn’t like something, like how he is afraid of the dark and didn’t like being in my closet for so long, he just says it. Also, he gives really good advice because he is just honest even if you don’t like what he has to say.”

I responded, “Wow, those are some really accurate and thoughtful observations, buddy. It’s interesting: Jack and Sally are two parts of one whole. They are two octopi who share one body, and yet they are very different from one another. Almost like how humans have one body, but have so many different parts. Not just body parts. But parts of who we are. Like how part of me can be anxious but at the exact same time another part of me is excited. Or how I am a mother, but I am also a wife, daughter ,sister, friend and so on. Humans are complex. We can have so many parts that come together to make us who we are. Just like Jack and Sally come together to make one octopus.”

Izzy really liked that observation and went on to say that he wouldn’t want the octopus to be only Sally or only Jack. He likes having both of them to talk to because they each bring their own unique selves to the conversation and they both help him in their own ways.

Of course, Jack and Sally are…me…but that is neither here nor there.

The fact is that simply by being a silly mommy I have stumbled upon a fool-proof parenting hack that works for both of my kiddos almost any time I do it.

They will spill all the entire beans to a plastic bowl, a stuffed octopus, and sometimes just my bare hands acting as a mouth.

One time Noey even came up to me the following day and said he had a good conversation with Mr. Monsieur and wanted to tell me about since I “missed it”. And you better believe I said: How cool! Tell me all about it!

Jack and Sally have gotten Izzy to listen to some advice I had given him earlier regarding an issue with a friend at school simply by saying the exact same thing to him that I did.

I don’t know how long this hack will last. I’m sure they will outgrow it at some point. But until then, I am going to turn random objects into puppets if that is what my kiddos need to find a safe and comfortable way to express themselves and find support and encouragement in ways they can best receive them.

Do you have any parenting hacks that work to get your kids sharing or talking?

*If you are interested in finding your own reversible octopus stuffy I have seen them on Amazon as well as at most major box stores. Izzy’s therapist had a grey and black one that she got on Etsy.